Journey of Emotions 2/22/02

Photo by Felix Mittermeier on

The past two years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I was sending voice chats with a friend last week about all the health issues and stress of no answers. He commented that I seemed very calm discussing all of it, he’d be freaking out. I’ve had my freak-out moments. I’ve had anger, sadness, rage, hopelessness, grief, and fear. The unknown causes or outcomes with my leftovers are scary and stressful. I still have my moments, but along this 20-month journey, I’ve found a strange place of calm acceptance. Where ever my path may lead, I will find my way. I’m thankful to Creator, the universe, and the unique spiritual lessons I’ve learned along the way for finding this place.

I’m also very good at compartmentalizing. Setting things aside to focus on the issue at hand. I was actually crying in between the voice chats to my friend that day. We usually text (my preference) but voice chat because my eyes hurt to focus. It was a bad day; some days are better than others. Since December, when my inflammation decreased, and I can move easier, it’s been more good days than bad.

One thing that’s really helped me through this emotional journey has been the support groups on Facebook (I know I’m old, my teens tell me). One is Covid-19 Support & Recovery, which I joined during active covid in May 2020, it has over 45,000 members. The other is Covid-19 Long Haulers Support which the admin shares scientifically supported research and has 77,000 members. I joined the Long Haulers group in March 2021. I’ve relied on these groups for emotional support and learning from each other. It helps to know that my symptoms are not super unique or rare and that I’m not crazy or just stumping doctors. There are other people having vision issues and other symptoms I’ve experienced. I’m not alone. And neither is anyone else experience symptoms after Covid, it’s shown to cause over 200 symptoms all over the body. Support systems of all kinds are so important.

Humor has also gotten me through. It’s better to laugh than to cry, especially when it irritates your eyes. Odd and quirky humor has been my friend. Awaiting my superpower for some time now. One of the posts I had made during active covid was asking what people would pick for superpowers. If we had to go through all the crazy, we deserve something. Still waiting . . .

I find it hilarious that one of my professions is one of the few available for people who are blind or seriously visually impaired. Hopefully, that’s changing with technology and accommodations. I can continue practicing massage therapy regardless of how much my vision changes. My anime quirky teen got a kick out of me becoming the blind martial arts master. She told me they’re in anime all the time. I asked, “but are they, women?” While I would have limited teaching abilities, I could continue practicing, learning, and demonstrating. Life is about adapting, learning limits, and new ways to grow. Still have a ways to go before master’s level, but I’m working toward 3rd degree in taekwondo.

I’ve actively tried to stay humble and grateful for my blessings. Many others have had far worse symptoms, who struggle to function daily and cannot work or follow their passions. My new OSU PCP reminded me this still affects me every day and pushed through the referral to the clinic. A blessing. Find the good, no matter how small, it matters.

Since this Omicron wave, someone mentioned that long haulers’ symptoms are becoming more prevalent. My eldest, now 18, my angel kid, has been having long-hauler symptoms since our 2nd Covid last month. I plan to dedicate a future blog, with her permission (already granted) and maybe collaboration to her story. I’m still trying to convince her that sharing is therapeutic, lol. Help me convince her by leaving comments.

Update: eye and head still hurting. Vision isn’t as bad in my right eye today, I’ve been able to read and write longer. But it keeps twitching. Twitchy Twitchy eye ball. Betting it’s the nervous system. The wait continues.

So far, this blog has been mainly detailing the past two years. If you go back through previous posts, I explain my journey so far over the past almost 2 years. I’ll be going back and adding bits and continuing to add articles and links. Possibly audio/podcast for my visually impaired or ADHD don’t like to read people. Most of my writing over the past many years has been purely academic. I’ll get the hang of this blogging 🙂 Even if my story only helps one person have some hope or smile, makes it all worth it. A blessing.

Wishing you all many blessings, health, and love,

Becca Dove


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